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I am disturbed
...which I'm sure many of you know ;-)
At the moment, though, I am disturbed by the outpouring of responses to Santiago's post, which present great mea culpas about emotional responses. Dear friends, you never need to apologise for your feelings. They are real, they are valid, and they are true.
It is how you present your emotional responses that marks the grace of your presence. Just as the fighter who storms off the field in ungracious defeat is not a person to emulate, so to is the person who takes out their irritation on a person unrelated to the ire. It is here that the call to valor is most important.
If you have given offense to a person, you have done them harm. Own it. Apologise for it. Strive to prevent such occurences in the future.
In the past few years, I have been musing on communication in the West and in the Society. It has struck me that we used to use a phrase to let someone know that they had overstepped and said something rude or hurtful. It has been a long time since I have heard the words and I wonder whether we have forgotten their power or whether it seems hokie - a taste of Ye Olde Days of the Societie - and no longer relevant to the current incarnation of the West. The phrase: "I accept".
Telling people "I accept" first gives them an immediate opportunity to apologise. I think that most people in the SCA, if they knew that they had caused offence, would be pleased to know it and be more than willing to give an apology. If the offender stands behind their words, then "I accept" is a call to action. It says to the person that they must back their words with honorable action.
I have heard a lot of complaints about this offence and that sniping comment in the past many years and I keep thinking Wow, a quick 'I accept' and you could have cleared this up. What do you say? It beats talking smack about people behind their backs.
At the moment, though, I am disturbed by the outpouring of responses to Santiago's post, which present great mea culpas about emotional responses. Dear friends, you never need to apologise for your feelings. They are real, they are valid, and they are true.
It is how you present your emotional responses that marks the grace of your presence. Just as the fighter who storms off the field in ungracious defeat is not a person to emulate, so to is the person who takes out their irritation on a person unrelated to the ire. It is here that the call to valor is most important.
If you have given offense to a person, you have done them harm. Own it. Apologise for it. Strive to prevent such occurences in the future.
In the past few years, I have been musing on communication in the West and in the Society. It has struck me that we used to use a phrase to let someone know that they had overstepped and said something rude or hurtful. It has been a long time since I have heard the words and I wonder whether we have forgotten their power or whether it seems hokie - a taste of Ye Olde Days of the Societie - and no longer relevant to the current incarnation of the West. The phrase: "I accept".
Telling people "I accept" first gives them an immediate opportunity to apologise. I think that most people in the SCA, if they knew that they had caused offence, would be pleased to know it and be more than willing to give an apology. If the offender stands behind their words, then "I accept" is a call to action. It says to the person that they must back their words with honorable action.
I have heard a lot of complaints about this offence and that sniping comment in the past many years and I keep thinking Wow, a quick 'I accept' and you could have cleared this up. What do you say? It beats talking smack about people behind their backs.
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:P
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